Hannah Bear Woes

How. Tiger Lily here. Peeking around tree.
Love purple feather in hair. Love having
true Native American blood on mother's side.


Hannah bear has been going through some third-grade trials and, of course, that makes this Mama Bear want to growl.

Alas, we have reached the "Let's start a club" scenario, or another way to say it is: "let's find a way to exclude others and bring them to tears by acting petty and unkind." It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that this is her Best Friend, or at least she was last year.


I shall, for purposes of protecting the (innocent?), call her "M" and the other girl will be "V." Well, last year Hannah and M were oh such dear friends. Then a new girl, V, enters the picture. Warning bells sounded in Mama Bear's heart, but she wanted to believe the best, and not say what she was thinking "Can three girls REALLY get along and not leave anyone out?"

Apparently so, at first. But the last few weeks, Hannah has been talking more and more about M just kind of ignoring what Hannah wants to do and play, that M had PROMISED (don't ever think a promise isn't important to an 8-year-old) that they would play a very special game at recess. Well, M ditched Hannah for someone else and it's been downhill since. Now that wouldn't be so bad, just the simple fact of them playing different games, or things, at recess. But now M and V are playing something called "Popular Girls." Well, as the name suggests, you can imagine what that is all about. They are acting all 'tweeny' or teenagerish, like they are all of a sudden too cool for ANYTHING. And Hannah, still happy-go-lucky, and still a regular 8-year-old kid, is wondering "What in the world?"


I will never forget the day we talked about it at length, two weeks ago, on the way home from school. After she described the situation, she looked at me full in the face and said, "Mommy, I don't want to be mean. I don't want to leave anyone out, the way they do in that game. I just want to be me."

I wanted to cry right then, because I KNOW how she feels, felt it to the max, when I was little. I always felt like I marched to the beat of a different drummer, especially when there was ugliness and unkind actions on the playground or in the gym. I never knew what to do about it. I just knew I felt so lonely. She continued, "I want to be nice, like Jesus wants us to be. And I want to play kid things--I'm not ready to be all grown up-like yet."

I'm not either, Baby. Oh, my precious girl, hang in there. I asked her if she wanted to try to work it out for herself, or if she would accept some suggestions/advice from her dear old ma. She swished/pointed her finger back and forth between us and said, "You and me, Mommy, you and me!"

So I told her that what might help is to not cry each time they run off and ignore her. And to act like she is perfectly fine (even if she's not on the inside). I told her it's okay if she can't pretend she's not hurt, for a few days; but that, if she feels the heartache lessening somewhat, to go ahead and just act like she's fine and dandy. And then those girls might actually say, "Hey, where's Hannah? I wonder if she wants to play with us?" I told her that even if they do, they've proved they're fairweather friends and not to rejoice TOO much if that happens, but to just act cool. Also, I reminded her she has a ton of very nice kids in her class who would be more than happy to play with her.

It's difficult, because she's always been the much-loved, adored friend. Everybody loves her and wants to be near her. So this has probably been a shock to her system. But you know what? I'm glad that she came to me and told me about it. I am also a little, uh, what's the word, "glad" that she will learn what it's like to feel left out so that she will not be tempted to do that to others, even in the future. And that people will continue to disappoint, even "dear" friends. But not her Friend in heaven.

But we both prayed and invited Jesus in on the matter. And then we went shopping! ha! (We happened to be in the Big Lots parking lot when the rush of information came forth.) Anyway, I've tried to spend more time with her and assured her of our love, and how much we care about her, and love to be with her, and inspire confidence in her, of who she is, that she's doing the right thing to not be swayed into being unkind or exclusive. But it sure takes a lot out of a parent. Worth it, though. Sooooo worth it.

Latest note on the school situation: the other night I asked her how it's been going. She said that those girls said to her, after she had played it all "cool," "Hey, Hannah, aren't you going to come play with us?? Come on, we want you!" She grinned up at me, and said, "Hey, Mommie! I just realized your advice worked. Wow, you are a good advice-giver."

Awww, music to my ears--and contentment from seeing my girlie smile again.